The Truest Form of Omakase
CORNELIUS: They also have ice in the urinals here. You might enjoy that.
TÉODOR: I would! Do they have a cologne guy?
CORNELIUS: Yes. Here’s a dollar. He likes dollars.
TÉODOR: [Silently pockets dollar, makes no motion of getting up, begins to cut another piece of his steak]
CORNELIUS: Well, I’m glad we did this! You will find that this restaurant accepts payment. [Wipes mouth on napkin, gets up to leave]
TÉODOR: Oh, okay. All right. You’re making me go to the bathroom. You’re actually doing that to me, with how you acted. I’m starting to stand up. [Sits perfectly still.] My behavior is based on you, you big perverted Border Collie.
CORNELIUS: A bit of theatre, is all. Try to limit yourself to one cologne per appendage. Any more, and you risk seeming the amateur.
TÉODOR: [Taps wineglass with knife, a waiter arrives]
WAITER: How may I assist you, sir?
TÉODOR: The men’s room. Do you recommend it?
WAITER: You will laugh, you will cry. I took my mother there when my father died. Her laughter ceased immediately.
- - -
I just realized that a guy who does a web comic has become my favorite living writer.
